


The Spirits of Moon River Brewing

by 655321



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Ableist Language, Agender Character, Attempt at Humor, Episode Related, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Ghost Sex, Humor, Mild Sexual Content, Mustaches, Other, Sexual Humor, Swearing, episode dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-28
Updated: 2019-09-28
Packaged: 2020-10-30 01:55:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20806592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/655321/pseuds/655321
Summary: The boys have a casual encounter with a ghost in the basement of Moon River Brewing ...





	The Spirits of Moon River Brewing

“Did you just whisper?” Ryan asked, earnest as fuck.

“No.”

Ryan laughed a nervous chipmunk laugh.

“Did I get a whisper?” Shane asked patiently.

“Yeah, you did.”

\--

"Kiss me," said the voice in Shane’s head.  
Ryan didn't appear to have heard anything, so he didn't let on, and he soon forgot about it as they continued exploring the space. 

\--

A touch this time. At the back of his neck. It almost made him jump. He controlled the rush bubbling inside him, a peculiar little warmth in his tummy. 

Another touch, light as a feather under his ear. And then another, the same sensation, the caress of a single forefinger on the right side of his jaw. 

In his mind's eye he imagined a face coming into his view.

//

(in the booth)

[UNINTELLIGIBLE]

“I think it sounds like "give me that dick."”

Shane didn’t respond. Didn’t even guffaw. He was only baffled.

“Why does your face look like that?”

Shane shrugged, ”it’s just my face. This is what my face looks like.”

“Are you compelled by that?” Ryan asked.

“No.”

“Really?"

“Are you sure that's what you heard?” Shane teased.

“I’m sure. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” he answered, earnest as fuck.

“Really?” Now Shane guffawed. “Never more sure than this moment? This is the one? It’s _ this _?”

“Yup.”

“Play it again.”  
  
[UNINTELLIGIBLE]

Shane shook his head. “To me it sounds like “ … GHK THFF KRRSSSHH“”

Ryan just stared. “Are you fucking with me? Are you fucking serious right now?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life, Ryan.”

//

"Don't be scared of my moustache, Toby!"

"Toby's not here, but I'll play with you."

Shane remained completely placid in the dark. The voice was directly in his left ear. He halted the Toby bit, for once interested in something more than the jokes. 

He felt the touch again, heavier than before, a hand skimming across his throat. It sent shockwaves through his body.

"What is all this?" The voice asked disdainfully. "Take it off."

The command from the disembodied voice made Shane's dick twitch, and immediately he was turning off and setting down his gear. He pulled off the harness and mic and headphones and finally, sat unencumbered in the dark. He drew in a sharp breath when he felt a phantom weight pushing down on him, settling into his lap, and what was unmistakably the sensation of hands stroking his chest through his shirt.

"I think it's a fine moustache."

Shane's lips spread into a smug grin. He felt the touch again on his face. He closed his eyes, breathing steadily in the darkness. And then he saw them, the figure sitting in his lap. He opened his eyes again - darkness. Closed them again, there was the face, the silhouette. Again, he smirked. If this was what it took; a calm demeanor and the confidence to surrender to the darkness, Ryan would never see a fucking ghost in his life.

He'd barely had the chance to think before they kissed him. A mad tingling spread through him like fight-or-flight kicking in. It was even better than feeling proud of himself.

With his eyes closed, the figure grew steadily more vivid. He could see them as perfectly as if they were sitting in the bar upstairs. 

/

"Wouldn’t it be crazy if Shane comes back up and he’s like, "I saw a fucking ghost."

/

Shane lifted his hands to see if he could touch the apparition. He could, and they felt real. Strange, but real. Solid, mostly, and warm, almost like touching a plasma globe. They were touching his face, looking at him.

"You're very handsome," they told him.

Shane blinked in surprise, promptly shut his eyes again and remembered to keep them closed.

"Well, thank you," the southern drawl came out of him before he realized what he was doing, but he rolled with it. "I must say, you are a marvel."

The figure stroked his cheek, his jaw, the moustache. Shane held the figure in his lap. The buzzing feeling in his veins and the awe-struck arousal made his body squirm. The figure was pressing against him, rubbing against him. Their mouth was tasting his throat, phantom fingers brushing through his hair. 

“Keep talking like that,” a whisper right on his ear.

“Darling, I'm sugar in your hand.”

/

“It’s been five minutes,” Ryan fidgeted. “He’s usually on top of that, like it’s almost uncanny that he just knows how long five minutes is. I wonder how long he’d stay down there if I just didn’t say anything.”

/

“Ffuuck- mmgh- “ Shane muffled the moan.

After a few seconds, he opened his eyes, expecting to have to clean himself up.

“What? Wait - where - ?” Shane shook his head, and it was the most disturbed he’d been at the whole thing.

He closed his eyes again, caught the figure standing a couple feet away, grinning.

“I’d like to keep it. Something to remember you by.”

“Well, okay, I guess, but don’t do anything weird with it." Shane didn’t know what he meant by that, it just came out. 

“You just fucked a ghost, _ Shane _. I have no idea what’s your threshold for “weird.””

Shane grinned. Sassy ghost.

"Fair enough. Fuck it."

"That’s a good lad. You had better go now. They’re waiting for you."

"Yeah. Well - um … thanks?"

"You’re welcome."

\--

“You’re a madman,” Ryan’s voice strained with nervous laughter.

“What?” Shane climbed the stairs very casually.

“You know how long you were down there?”

“How long?”

“12 minutes.”

Shane shrugged.

“It’s not that long. We’ve done more in worse places.”

“What were you doing down there anyway? Did you turn your mic off?”

“It was cozy down there. Maybe I drifted off.”

“Shut up. Really, how was it?”

"It was great."

\--

“What if you call out for me down there, I don’t respond, and when you find me, I’m just standing in the corner?”  
“I’m gonna close the door and leave.”  
“You’re just gonna leave me?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Why?”  
“If you're possessed, I'm not taking you home."

\--

“That’s your time, Ryan.”

“That’s my time? Huh, I feel like you extended my time again.”

“I think that’s healthy for you,” Shane answered. 

He expected Ryan to whine about it but he didn’t; just shook his head.

"How did - did you get all worked up down there?" Shane asked, secretly smirking beneath the moustache.

“A little bit.”

“Did you?!”

“Ehh-” Ryan grinned and looked over toward the dark of the room with a dazed expression. 

It wasn’t much different than his usual scared look, but Shane wondered. Ryan seemed a little shaky on his feet, losing his balance for a second on the stairs. 

“Whoa, hey,” Shane reached out for him. “Careful.”

\--

“I think there’s something you’re not telling me,” Ryan suddenly accused, an hour later in the car. “I think something happened in the basement.”

“Did something happen to _ you _in the basement?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Did something happen with you in the basement?”

“Yeah, I took a nap."

“I don’t believe you."

“Why would I lie?”

“I mean, I think if you ever did see a ghost, you wouldn’t tell me.”

“Well, Ryan, you caught me,” Shane deadpanned. “I was smooching on a hot ghost down there.”

“Goddamnit, Shane.” Ryan chuckled and shook his head.

Shane laughed. “What, you don’t believe me?”

“You asshole.” Ryan shook his head. “I don’t know why I even bother.”

“No one does, Ryan. No one does.”


End file.
